The Contrarian - chapter 1
"Fake it till you make it"
I decided to create a section called THE CONTRARIAN. Here I reflect on popular phrases and take the opposite side of their fundamental premise.
Even if there are relative truths to be found in them, I propose a contrarian view to the universal wisdom they claim.
“FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT”
I’ve never been a fan of this popular phrase, even less now that we live in a “social media” world. It’s because sometimes I feel that we have too many teachers of leadership that have never actually led, too many “confident” people explaining how to’s in situations where formulas will typically not cut it; but also too many “vulnerable” people that make me doubt how genuinely vulnerable they truly are vs how much they are simply going by the playbook of the hero’s journey where sharing their biggest failures are indeed part of a fake (or exaggerated) act.
I could be wrong, and of course there are a lot of honest people sincerely sharing experiences and opening up to the world for everyone to learn from; that’s a net positive. But at moments I feel that wherever I look, I see a large amount of consummated experts, amazing leaders and great masters. And maybe it would be nice to equally see passionate students, examples of what good following should look like and great stories of apprenticeship.
Just a more balanced view of real life…
My fundamental problem with "fake it till you make it" is that it suggests that you should act as if you already are someone that you are not, even if you don't feel confident or competent yet. The idea behind this advice is that by pretending to be successful or skilled, you will eventually become successful and skilled.
One thing is to believe in yourself, be a naturally confident person and know that with hard work grow will come, even if you are not yet an expert. Another thing is to paint yourself with a patina of fake expressions, poses and behaviors to pretend…
It can lead to a slippery slope in my opinion and these are several reasons why this advice can be problematic:
It promotes dishonesty: While it may seem harmless to fake confidence or competence, it can quickly become dishonest if you're misrepresenting your abilities or qualifications to others.
It can increase the risk of something that will happen regardless of your confidence, imposter syndrome: When you pretend to be something you're not, you may start to feel like a fraud or imposter even more than the normal self-doubt that increased responsibilities creates. This can cause you to doubt your real abilities and create unecesary anxiety, stress, and other negative emotions.
It may push you in the opposite way of self-awareness: The risk of not progressing in your career for the lack of self-awareness is very real. Even worse is to realize that someone has fallen in the trap of self-deception in which not only you don’t see blind spots, but you believe your own “lies”.
It may hinder your growth: By pretending to have skills or knowledge you don't have, you may miss out on opportunities to learn and improve. You may also be more likely to make mistakes or fail, which can be discouraging and damaging to your self-esteem. This aspect to me is one of the most worrisome, it pushes you away from embracing a vulnerable and honest learning journey.
It doesn't address the root problem: Faking confidence or competence may help you temporarily, but it will never be the way to move forward with your life. Why? Because if you grow, you will be in a new environment or situation many times over. What will your career be? "A constant “fake it til you make it”? It doesn’t work that way. Experienced people see through that.
Instead of mastering the art of faking, work hard at developing solid competences, seeking out feedback and guidance, setting both achievable and stretch goals, building a strong support system and know when and how to ask for help.
You have nothing to FAKE if you are intellectually honest, humble, genuinely vulnerable to understand your limitations, committed to learn everyday and ready to outwork anyone. This is where your confidence should come from!
You don’t have to MAKE IT if you are focused on the journey and develop a growth mindset.
Obsess with BECOMING a better version of yourself every single day
Don’t pretend you know or are a certain way to impress and play a part. Be assertive and don’t be afraid to voice your opinion and make a point; but demonstrate your worth by the maturity of your self-awareness, the quality of your questions and the discipline of your work; the rest will take care of itself.
Don’t fake it till you make it.
Face it till you learn it. Work hard to become it.
P.S. Before I go, here you have “The Treat,” where I share some of the music that kept me company while writing … Enjoy as you bid farewell to this post
“Lead yourself, Learn to live. Lead others, Learn to Build.”
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Thank you Sebastian for this posting. Absolutely agree with your insights on this topic. It’s also incredibly damaging to see introverts trying (and failing) to be extroverts so they can make it in an environment where “fake it till you make it” prevails. Expertise and the ability to share it to your peers should instil confidence to be yourself.
I agree with you, Sebastian, that the problem of the modern society centred around social media is that the people who should be listening are mostly talking, and the ones who should be talking and have indeed a lot to say are mostly staying silent. To me, the concept of “fake it till you make it” is like a temporary band aid for the ego employed by people who are afraid to acknowledge their weaknesses and shortcomings and work on them. I did observe from my humble experiences that it is very easy to destabilize that “confident” facade, especially when things don’t go the way the ego desires. It’s only natural because life doesn’t wait around choosing only the situations that match the “facade”; it just throws whatever it has, and it’s only a person not afraid to fall, understand their limitations, learn, and lift themselves up again, who will be in the winning position.
I like your analysis of the reasons why “fake it till you make it“ is psychologically damaging. I still believe, maybe naively, that quality and depth are going to withstand the test of time and people will learn to differentiate between “quick fix” techniques and long lasting authentic and genuine approaches to build themselves up. Thank you, Sebastian, for starting this series of posts, looking forward to the next one!