The art of self-dialogue

Navigating the conversation within

“Conversations with others are much easier to practice than with oneself”

Mariano Sigman, neuroscientist.

Dear readers,

Welcome to another edition of “Sebastian’s Leadership Reflections.”

Today we delve into the depths of “Introspection” as we tap into the insights found in the quote by neuroscientist Mariano Sigmar: "Conversations with others are much easier to practice than with oneself."

The art of communication is a critical leadership competency, we work to master our communication with others as we engage in dialogues, difficult conversations, feedback sessions, negotiations and presentations… it affects our impact with teams, colleagues and stakeholders. However, there is an even more difficult realm of conversation that deserves equal attention - the dialogue within ourselves.

Unlike dialogues with others, that involve externalizing our thoughts and emotions, self-dialogue demands courage and vulnerability because it requires us to confront our deepest fears, insecurities and aspirations, and to embrace our true selves without evasion, without excuses, without camouflage.

"Self-dialogue" holds paramount importance in leadership development for several compelling reasons:

1. A Pathway to Self-Discovery: Engaging in self-dialogue grants us access to profound insights about our thoughts, emotions, and motivations. By attentively listening to our inner voices, we gain a deeper understanding of our values, strengths, and areas for growth. Self-awareness serves as a solid foundation for authentic leadership.

2. Leading with Empathy: Self-dialogue fosters emotional intelligence, allowing us to better understand and manage our own emotions. When we empathize with our struggles and triumphs, we are better equipped to extend compassion and understanding to those we lead and interact with.

3. Embracing Vulnerability: Through self-dialogue, we learn to embrace vulnerability as a source of strength. Acknowledging our imperfections and areas for improvement enables us to lead with humility and authenticity, inspiring trust and respect from our teams.

The flip side: the risks of negative self-talk

It is very important to master the art of self-talk on our journey towards achieving the goals that we set for ourselves, because whether it lifts us to new heights or pulls us down into doubt, self-talk plays a pivotal role in shaping our experiences.

While positive self-talk fuels our self-confidence and propels us forward, it's the negative counterpart that demands special attention; that self-talk that originates from self-doubt.

The transformation of negative self-talk into positive dialogue represents the moment in which we take charge of our internal narrative. If we persist in holding ourselves back by dwelling on the negative and doubting our abilities, we cannot expect to reach the destinations we aspire to achieve. Refusing to break free from the confines of limiting self-talk will inevitably lead to disappointment and failure, despite projecting an optimistic and confident image to the world.

The path to modifying self-talk begins with a crucial prerequisite – aligning our beliefs and values with our goals. These core aspects serve as the filters through which we process all stimuli and incoming information.

There’s this research published in 2012 “studying nearly 200 self-addressed, anonymized letters that senior executives wrote to themselves as part of their development, their self-talk was classified as either:

• Constructive: Comments that were thoughtful, substantive, motivational, insightful, positive, and self-reflective we classified as constructive self-talk.

• Dysfunctional: Comments that were highly critical or focused on obstacles and negative aspects of challenging situations were classified as dysfunctional.

The research found that leaders who used dysfunctional self-talk and swore at themselves in these letters were rated by others as having lower creativity and originality scores — even though other people never saw the letters! Negative, dysfunctional self-talk (including swearing at yourself) reflects a leader who is struggling to embrace change, see setbacks as a learning opportunity, and learn from adversity.

In contrast, the power of positive self-talk was revealed; researchers found that constructive self-talk was positively related to increased creativity and leadership skills, along with decreased job strain.

In short, your words matter, even if you’re the only one who hears them!’

Reference: Center for Creative Leadership.

Talk to yourself the way you would to a friend. Don’t yell at yourself. Be kind to yourself!

What lessons can we apply?

1. Prioritize Self-Reflection: Amidst the whirlwind of leadership responsibilities, make time for introspection and self-reflection. Cultivate a practice of regular self-dialogue to strengthen your connection with your inner self and align your actions with your values. Consider the habit of journaling.

2. Silence the Inner Critic: Resist the urge to be overly self-critical during self-dialogue. Replace negative self-talk with words of encouragement and support. Don’t lie to yourself, but treat yourself with encouragement, kindness and compassion.

3. Stay Curious and Open-Minded: Approach self-dialogue with a curious and open mind. Embrace the discomfort that comes with exploring uncharted emotional territories but remember that growth often stems from the willingness to step outside of our comfort zones.

The art of self-dialogue is a powerful tool on the path to authentic leadership because as you navigate the conversations within, you unlock the dormant treasure of insights waiting for you to discover. It is in the depths of self-awareness that true leadership prowess is born. By understanding ourselves, we are better equipped to lead and inspire others with wisdom and compassion.

Embrace vulnerability, stay curious, and prioritize introspection.

Today’s post is very simple in its essence and even more simple in its message, but very profound in its lesson: learn to talk to yourself if you want to mature as a leader.

P.S. Before I go, here you have “The Treat,” where I share some of the music that kept me company while writing … Enjoy as you bid farewell to this post

“Lead yourself, Learn to live. Lead others, Learn to Build.”

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